


Getting Dirty

by LissaMU



Series: Coming Clean/Getting Dirty [2]
Category: Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice (1995), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, American Elizabeth, English Darcy, F/M, embarrassing trip to the ER, laundry room shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 04:24:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16967622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LissaMU/pseuds/LissaMU
Summary: The aftermath of Darcy and Elizabeth's tryst in the laundry room...





	Getting Dirty

Dr. Hart was enjoying a nice cup of coffee after a busy afternoon in the ER when she was paged to cubicle 3 to treat a couple who had just come in. The woman was wearing jeans and a wrinkled t-shirt that looked slightly damp; the man looked odder, in corduroy trousers that were a little too large and a t-shirt that looked like it would have been more at home on his companion than on him. Both looked the worse for wear and quite ill at ease.

She greeted the couple and picked up their charts. _Darcy, Fitzwilliam Hugo Alistair Farquhar, 502 Yorkville Terrace Apartments_. The doctor gave a little snort, which fortunately went unnoticed by her patients. _Bennet, Elizabeth Marie, 320 Yorkville Terrace Apartments_. They claimed to have fallen down in the laundry room of their apartment and wanted to make sure the injuries weren’t serious. Dr. Hart examined both of them and took an x-ray of William’s wrist, which was swollen and painful.

When she returned with their results, she sat down to ask them about their accident. 'Can you tell me how this happened?' The man looked sheepishly down at his companion, who nodded but could not meet his eye. He scratched his head and began.

'Well, Lizzy and I were down in the laundry room, waiting for her whites to dry and her darks to wash. Suddenly the washer goes off balance. It started shaking and rattling and eventually it came off the wall. Water started spraying everywhere, and then the washer hit the dryer and started knocking it about. Then Lizzy fell down, and in trying to stop she grabbed onto me, but I was off balance as well, so I fell down on top of her.'

'So… she slipped in the water and pulled you down with her?' the doctor asked, somewhat confused.

'Erm, no… she fell when the dryer was knocked about.'

'Was she standing next to it?'

'More like… sitting _on_ it,' William answered uncomfortably.

'And where were you?'

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. 'He was standing in front of the dryer.'

The doctor was about to open her mouth to ask another question, but it was as if a lightbulb suddenly went off in her head. She couldn’t completely stifle her laughter, and it came out more like a choked cough.

'And… how is it that you didn’t notice a rattling washer until it came off the wall and hit the dryer?' she questioned, trying desperately to keep a straight face.

William scowled at her. 'Does that really matter?' he asked tersely.

The doctor smiled knowingly and replied, 'No, of course not. It was just a matter of curiosity. Miss Bennet, it appears that you have a bruised hip and some abrasions on your thigh. Amazing that you got such nasty scrapes through those jeans.' Her only reaction was a slight lift of the eyebrows before she continued. 'Mr. Darcy, your injuries are slightly more serious. I assume that you stuck out your wrist to try to prevent your fall; it’s not broken, but you’ve got a nasty twist, though nothing that a few days of ice and ibuprofen won’t heal. You’ve also got some scratches, but yours are slightly more… anterior to Miss Bennet’s. You apparently landed on your… back.' She coughed again to keep from cracking up. 'Your injuries are also unusual, considering the thickness of those corduroy trousers. It must have been a rough landing for you both.'

A mortified Elizabeth buried her face in one hand while holding William’s hand to keep him from punching the doctor with the other. He was quickly losing his patience with the impertinent doctor; it was good for her health that she was called to another patient by the nurse.

'My husband is the super over at Yorkville Terrace Apartments,' the doctor heard her telling the nurse. The poor woman was soaking wet, and it looked like she had sprained her ankle. The doctor quickly checked her notes to confirm her suspicions; Yorkville Terrace was the same address the kinky couple had given.

'Good evening ma’am. I’m Dr. Hart. What seems to be the trouble?'

The patient’s eyes had a gleam that promised juicy details of the entire scenario. 'Well! You will never believe what happened, Dr. Hart! Like I told the nurse, my husband is the super over at Yorkville Terrace. About half an hour ago, one of the tenants knocks on our door to tell us that the laundry room door is locked. Now, that’s pretty odd, because the laundry is supposed to stay open until 10pm, and I always lock it myself!

So, I go down to see what’s going on, and before I even go in, I hear all these strange noises in there, not just laundry noises either… I mean _sex_ noises! Then, I hear all this banging and clatter, and then a thud and a scream. I finally get the door open, and walk in to a flooded laundry room because the washer has come off the wall and the hose ruptured and sprayed water all over! I make my way over to the pipe and turn everything off, and that’s when I notice a man and a woman _completely naked_ by the dryer! He’s helping her stand up and they both looked kinda hurt.

I asked them what happened, but I already knew: they were _doing it_ on top of the dryer and fell off! It was disgusting, I tell you. The man found some pants lying around and pulled some clothes out of the dryer for them so they at least got decent, but before they ran out the service entrance they didn’t bother to pick up the clothes they had _ripped_ off their bodies for their little sexual adventure, and I slipped and twisted my ankle. Now, I’m not against, you know, experimentation, but at least be considerate of things that other people have to use! We’ll have to completely disinfect that dryer; who wants to use something that people have gotten nasty on? Yuck!'  

The doctor was struggling to maintain a professional countenance, but her resolve was failing. 'That is an interesting story,' she conceded. 'If you’ll excuse me a moment, I need to check your x-rays.'

Dr. Hart nearly ran out of the cubicle so as not to burst out laughing in front of her patient. In the adjoining cubicle, having heard every word that the super's wife had spoken, Elizabeth was cringing with embarrassment; William silently motioned to her and they snuck out to the nurse’s station. The doctor heard only the tail end of William’s statement. 'We are definitely going to move out of that building.'


End file.
